(通用)英語小笑話
英語小笑話1
My husband was showing a box of his baby things，which had been saved for him by his mother to our five-year-old son. He took out a pair of bronzed baby shoes
mounted with an ashtray between them.”Oh, look,Chris,"he said. "These are Daddy's first walking shoes.“
一次，我丈夫拿出一個盒子給我們五歲的兒子看。這個盒子是由他母親替他收藏的他兒時的用品盒。我丈夫從盒子里取出一雙中間還夾有煙缸的.古銅色的童鞋說:“噢，克瑞斯，你看，這就是爸爸學走步時穿的鞋。”
Chris stared in amazement. "Daddy,"he said，”I don't see how you ever learned to walk with that ashtray stuck between your feet.”
克瑞斯吃驚地望著那雙鞋，“爸爸，”他說:“我怎么就不知道你還學過兩腳夾煙灰缸走路呢。”
英語小笑話2
Susan is an American girl.
She is five years old.
She doesn't go to school and doesn't know how to read or write.
One day, her sister Lucy finds that she is at the table with a pen in her hand.
Lucy asks, "What are you doing?"
"I'm writing a postcard to my friend Betty" Susan answers.
"But you don't know how to write. " Lucy says.
"Well," Susan says, "Don’t you know Betty is only four years old, she doesn't know how to read either."
英語小笑話3
Hello everyone!My name is ~~.Now,I am 12 years old. I am from ~~.I am a student in NO.1middle school .I like football with my sister after school .I am good at drawing.And i am likelearning English.Ican speak very well!
Do you want to make friend with me ?
譯文
大家好!我的名字是~ ~.現在,我12歲了.我來自~ ~.我就讀于第一中學.我喜歡踢足球和我姐姐在放學后.我擅長于畫畫.我喜歡學習英語. 我能講英語講得很好!
你想和我交朋友吧?
英語小笑話4
Warning SeveralweeksafteroursonbeganhisfreshmanyearatAlmaCollegeinMichigan,myhusbandandIdecidedtovisithim.Iwascarefultocallhimafewdaysinadvanceto"warn"himthatwewouldbecoming.Whenwearrivedatthedorm,however,Iwastakenabackbythedisarrayofhisroom."Forgotwewerecoming,didn‘tyou?"Iteased.
"Areyoukidding?"hereplied,"WhyelsewouldIhavebotheredtoclean?"
提醒
我們的.兒子是密歇根州阿爾馬大學的新生，開學幾個星期之后，我和丈夫決定去看看他。我特意提前給他打電話，“提醒”他我們將光臨。但是當我們來到宿舍時，他的房間凌亂不堪，我非常吃驚。“忘了我們要來，是吧?”我取笑他。“開什么玩笑?“，他回答說，“要不我憑什么費神打掃?
英語小笑話5
"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
"湯姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 媽媽在廚房里問。"他在哭。"
"沒事兒，媽媽，" 湯姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因為我不給他吃。"
"他已經吃完自己的`了么？"
"是的。" "我幫他吃完時，他也哭了。"
英語小笑話6
Walking to work one day, my husband was hit by a car. It was a minor accident and the driver apologized，adding; "You certainly are lucky. We're right next to a doctor's office."
"I don't know how lucky that is ,"my husband replied."I' m the doctor. "
英語小笑話7
excuse for speeding
趕緊到達那里
harry and lloyd were speeding down the road. a police car pulled them over.
哈里與勞埃德超速行駛，一輛警車攔住了他們。
"why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.
“你們為什么開那么快?”警官喊道。
"our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!
“我們的剎車不好，因此我們想在發生事故前趕緊到達目的地。”
英語小笑話8
Once upon a time, in ancient China, the emperor was seriously ill. None of his esteemedphysicians could find a cure,until an ancient sage revealed that only the blood of a living Foobird could restore the imperial health.
很久很久以前在古老的中國，皇帝病得很重，所有德高望重的御醫都沒辦法醫治，直到后來才有一位智者透露，只有活福鳥的血才能恢復皇帝的健康。
Now the Foo bird was extremely rare, almost legendary,and the greatest hunters in the landwere assigned the task of capturing a specimen-but before they left on their quest, the ancientsage warned them that if one of them were fortunate enough to catch the bird, he should onno account clean or change his clothing till he had presented his prize to the emperor.
問題是福鳥本來就很少見，幾乎只是傳說而已，于是全國各地最好的獵人都被指派進行捕捉福鳥的工作。但在他們出發之前，那名智者警告他們，要是有人有幸捉到一只福鳥的話，無論如何在送到皇帝手中之前，絕不可以清潔或換掉身上的衣服。
The hunters scoured the empire, and after several months, the greatest of them spotted amagnificent Foo perched high in a tree. Using all his skill, the huntsman snuck up on the birdand managed to seize it by the claws, but soon the startled creature left a huge odious blobofexcrement on the hunter's shoulder.
獵人們搜遍了整個帝國，幾個月后，其中一名本領最好的獵人不經意看見了一只福鳥棲息在一棵樹上。他用盡所有技巧偷偷接近那只福鳥并抓住了它的腳爪，但那只受到驚嚇的福鳥馬上在他的`肩膀上拉了一大團臭氣熏人的鳥糞。
Though the stench was almost unbearable,the woodsman remembered the sage's injunctionand carried his double burden all the way back to court. By that time, the odor had onlybecome worse, and thehunter was deeply embarrassed.Finally, he felt that he could not entertheemperor's presence in such a state, and wiped the offending substance from hisshoulder.
雖然臭味難當，但獵人仍記得智者的訓示，便連同身上的鳥糞護送福鳥回宮。那時鳥糞的味道更難聞了，獵人也覺得非常尷尬。最后他覺得不能那個樣子去見皇帝，于是他把肩膀上令人作嘔的東西擦拭掉了。
Instantly, the Foo bird fell over dead, theemperor took a turn for the worse, and the hunterwas clapped in irons.And themoral of the story is: If the Foo shits,wear it!
就在那一刻福鳥便倒地身亡，皇帝的病情也更加惡化，而那名獵人則立刻被關進牢中。這個故事的寓意就是：“福鳥在你身上拉尿，你就扛著。”
英語小笑話9
Father: Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie: That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
父親：哎呀，我剛才違規右轉彎了。
蘇西：沒事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也這么轉了。
英語小笑話10
a doctor came into the hospital ward and said to mr. johnson, "i have some good news and some bad news for you."
一位醫生走進醫院的.病房，告訴強森先生：“我有一個好消息和一個壞消息要告訴你。”
then mr. johnson said, "please, give me the good news first."
強森先生說：“請先告訴我好消息吧!”
so the doctor said, "the doctors here are going to name an incurable disease after you."
醫生說：“本院的醫師決定用你的名字，來為一種不治之癥命名。”
英語小笑話11
A Monkey and a Flea
Mum: Baby, what’s the difference between a monkey and a flea? Baby: One is big and one is small.
Mum: Anything else?
Baby: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can’t have monkeys.經典英語口語小笑話精選
媽媽：猴子和跳蚤有什么不同呢？
兒子：它們倆一大一小。
媽媽：還有呢？
兒子：猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。
英語小笑話12
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.
The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer."
The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."
一男子去酒吧，點了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。當他環視酒吧時，發現一只猴子蕩下來，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。
該男子問酒吧招待，這只猴子是誰的'。服務員回答說是鋼琴手的。男子走到鋼琴手面前問：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒嗎?”
鋼琴手回答說：“沒有，但是如果你能哼唱，我會為你演奏的。”
英語小笑話13
律師、寶馬和胳膊
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
一個律師打開他的寶馬車門，突然一輛汽車駛過來把門撞飛了，警察趕到現場，律師正痛苦地抱怨毀壞了他心愛的寶馬。
“警察同志，看看他們把我的車弄的!!!”律師哀怨地說。
“你們律師真是物質至上，我很不舒服!”警察反駁說，“你這么關心你可惡的.寶馬，你可能沒有注意到你的左胳膊也沒了。”
律師終于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的勞力士手表在哪兒?”
狗住旅店
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
一個人給一家他計劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很干凈很有教養，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”
旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔保，也歡迎您來。
睡前禱告詞
Juliewas saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "MakeNaples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Hermother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naplesthe capital of Italy?"
AndJulie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"
朱莉葉在做睡前禱告。“禱告上帝，”她說，“讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧。讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧。”
媽媽打斷她說：“朱莉葉，你為什么求上帝讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都呢？”
朱莉葉回答說：“因為我在地理考卷上是這么寫的。
英語小笑話14
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我沒有睡著
當一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒!”
“我沒有睡著。”那個男人回答。
“沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。”
英語小笑話15
a kiss At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech." The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"
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