英文爆笑笑話

英文爆笑笑話1

　　：You may put my beard on again

　　A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it. "Two pence," said the man. "No, no, " said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again." The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave. "A penny." said the barber. "I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again." 賣(mài)掃帚的人和理發(fā)師

　　一個(gè)賣(mài)掃帚的'人去一家理發(fā)店修面.理發(fā)師向他買(mǎi)了一把掃帚.當(dāng)理發(fā)師給他修完面后,問(wèn)了一下掃帚的價(jià)錢(qián). 賣(mài)掃帚的人說(shuō):"兩便士"

　　"不,不"理發(fā)師說(shuō),"我只出一便士.如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話,可以把掃帚拿回去."

　　賣(mài)掃帚的人取回了掃帚,隨后問(wèn)修面要付多少錢(qián). 賣(mài)掃帚的人說(shuō):"我只能給你半個(gè)便士,如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話,你可以把胡子再替我裝上."

英文爆笑笑話2

　　Buy the ice

　　Once a simpleton’s wife told him to buy some ice.

　　Two hours later, he didn’t come back. She wanted to know why he didn’t come back and went out to have a look. She saw he was standing in the sun at the gate and watching the ice melting. “What’s the matter?” She asked him. “Why don’t you bring it in?”

　　“I saw the ice was wet and I was afraid that you would scold me so I’m running it dry.” The simpleton answered.

　　從前有一個(gè)笨人的妻子讓她的'丈夫買(mǎi)幾塊冰。 兩個(gè)小時(shí)后，他還沒(méi)回來(lái)。

　　她想知道他為什么沒(méi)回來(lái)，就出去看了看，發(fā)現(xiàn)她的丈夫在門(mén)口站著，在太陽(yáng)下曬冰，看著冰融化。

　　她問(wèn)他：“怎么啦?你為什么不把它拿進(jìn)來(lái)?”

　　“我看見(jiàn)冰是濕的，恐怕你會(huì)訓(xùn)斥我，因此，我正在把它曬干。”笨人回答道。

英文爆笑笑話3

　　它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 一位中國(guó)老婦人在美國(guó)看望女兒回來(lái)不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的'美元。在銀行柜臺(tái)，銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

　　這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說(shuō)：“相信我，先生，也請(qǐng)你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的。”

英文爆笑笑話4

　　Lose One Pound減掉一磅

　　I complimented one of my co-workers on having lost ten pounds. However, I couldn't resist bragging that when I was 17, 1 weighed 225 pounds and today I tip the scales at 224. 1 added, "That's not bad for a man of my age." Overhearing this, a woman remarked, "You mean to say it took you all this time to lose one pound?" 我稱(chēng)贊我的一個(gè)同事減肥10磅。可是，我禁不住夸耀說(shuō)我17歲時(shí)，體重225磅，而目前體重是224磅。我還說(shuō)：“這對(duì)我這樣年齡的男子來(lái)說(shuō)，是不錯(cuò)的`。”

　　一個(gè)女子聽(tīng)到了這些話，她說(shuō)道：“你是說(shuō)你花了這么長(zhǎng)時(shí)間才減了1磅?”

英文爆笑笑話5

　　The doctor lives downstairs醫(yī)生住在樓下

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs." “醫(yī)生”她沖進(jìn)屋后大聲說(shuō)道。“我想讓你坦率地說(shuō)我到底得了什么病。”

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說(shuō)：“太太，我有三件事要對(duì)你說(shuō)。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的`美貌將會(huì)改變。第三，我是一位畫(huà)家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。”

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